• Spouse Gambling Problem
• Spouse With Gambling Problem

• When your spouse has a severe gambling problem, it’s best to confront the issue head-on. Let your partner know the limits and rules you’re enacting to protect yourself and your family. Here are some main points to keep in mind for this conversation: Urge your husband or wife to get professional help.
• Addiction can be one of the most difficult situations that can occur within a marriage. Living with an addicted spouse can create stress, despair, anxiety, and unhappiness, amongst many other things.Countless couples who experience addiction within their.

The effects of someone’s gambling can extend to well beyond just the gambler. They can affect a partner, child, parent or friend. This is the account of a Minnesotan whose husband was a problem gambler.

The Gambling Clinic A Cen4er- 1Cor- Se/1C-Chanse Working to help people gain control of their gambling. Coping with Your Spouse's Gambling Problem Consequences of gambling Problematic gambling has consequences not only for the gambler, but also for the spouse and family. Financial: Time and again, spouses find out about their partner's problematic. The spouse of a drug or gambling addict sometimes hides income in a secret account to keep it out of the hands of the addicted partner. They fear, sometimes with good reason, that if they don’t keep this money hidden, their spouse will take it all to feed their addiction. The spouse of a drug or gambling addict sometimes hides income in a secret account to keep it out of the hands of the addicted partner. They fear, sometimes with good reason, that if they don’t keep this money hidden, their spouse will take it all to feed their addiction.

The idea of addictive gambling is something I’d never even thought about. I’d always thought gambling was just a fun activity that people enjoyed … sort of a night out and a form of entertainment. I didn’t know what a compulsive gambler was and had no reason to think about it. When you’re in love with someone, it’s the last thing you think about.

Spouse Gambling Problem

That changed after I learned more about my husband. The first sign that something was wrong was when he asked me to lend him some money so that his dad could get a new water heater for his car. At first, I didn’t give it a second thought. But a few weeks later when I saw my father-in-law I asked him how his car was working. He gave me a surprised look. I explained that my husband had told me about his car problem and that I’d given money to help out. He told me that never happened … and so I began to wonder what was going on.

After that, I started noticing that my husband spent increasing amounts of time gambling at the casino. I remember asking him why he couldn’t just gamble every few months or so. But he couldn’t stop. He couldn’t go more than three weeks without gambling.

Sometimes, he would spend his whole paycheck on gambling. When that would happen, he’d have a hard time facing me so he would stay at his father’s. And when he finally did come home he would be very remorseful and tell me how sorry he was and he would promise me that it wouldn’t happen again.

Spouse With Gambling Problem

His gambling got worse. We had made special plans for a trip to celebrate my fiftieth birthday and saved up some money. But then I learned that he’d spent the trip money on gambling. It seemed that anything that was stressful was a trigger for him to gamble.

I convinced him to attend Gambler’s Anonymous while I started going to Gam-Anon. That experience really opened my eyes to the extent of the problem and what had been going on. However, it didn’t help my husband. He said he didn’t fit in and that he was really going for me and not for himself.

I was told at my first Gam-Anon meeting that it would get worse before it got better. The group also taught me about “enabling” the gambler. I realized that I was enabling him by lending him money after he lost all of his so he could get through the week buying gas and work lunches. So the next time he asked to borrow money I said, “No” and he had a fit. He actually went into a rage and threw away his wedding ring, which we never did find. So yes, it did get worse instead of better, and we eventually separated.

My husband finally admitted that he did have a gambling problem but promised me he was done gambling. He also told the clergy (his cousin) that the whole marriage breakdown was due to his gambling and that he was not going to gamble anymore because he loved his wife. But just four days later I learned that he left work early to go to Treasure Island.

I also learned that his trips up north to visit his brother were trips to the casino. I discovered this when he called me from a casino and didn’t actually hang up his phone completely. I heard the sounds of the casino.

We eventually got divorced. I still love him and I know he still loves me, but he also understands what he put me through and he knows there is no way we could have a life together given that he still gambles. He has told me over and over how sorry he is. I have forgiven him and understand that it’s an illness. I also understand that there is help for those that want to stop gambling.

There have been nights when he’s called me in tears about his gambling. I’ve told him that he needs to get into a 30-day program and I’ve even given him the phone number. But when he wakes up in the morning, he’s changed his mind and says he just needed to talk to me. I know it’s something he can’t allow himself to sleep on. He has to go when he feels the need.

I’ve learned a lot through this experience. For one, people think they can change other people, but they can’t. All you can do is keep encouraging them.

It’s very difficult being the spouse of a person with a gambling problem. You’re afraid to leave your husband for a weekend to spend time with your girlfriends. That’s no way to live. I could not live in crisis day in and day out, always knowing there was a little calm before the storm, having to hide my money and never knowing if what he said was the truth or a lie.

Gambling is often described as ‘the hidden addiction’. Unlike substance misuse or sex addiction, it can be much easier to hide the signs of problem gambling from other people. This is particularly true now online gambling is so widely accessible and popular.

But the effects of gambling addiction on a relationship can be devastating. It can destroy the sense of trust between partners often as a consequence of the secrecy or lies surrounding the addiction as much as the addiction itself. It can also ruin families financially.

It’s estimated there are around 450,000 problems gamblers in the UK. And anecdotal evidence suggests that every problem gambler impacts 5 to 12 other people.

What are the signs your partner is a gambler?

Many people whose partners have gambling addictions often report initially thinking their partner was having an affair as the signs are so similar. They include:

• Spending lots of time away. Do they often spend a lot of time away from the house and are vague about why? Some problem gamblers also get up very early in order to play before their partner or family are awake.
• Secretive around finances. Does your partner become cagey or defensive on the topic of money? Have they taken steps to conceal bank statements?
• Money going out of account without explanation. Obviously, it’s not always possible to hide it if you are spending large amounts of cash. Have you noticed unexplained deductions from your accounts?
• Secretive around internet use. Most gambling addictions are carried out online. Does your partner habitually delete their internet history or are they vague and evasive if questioned on their use of the internet?
• Emotional highs and lows. Do they seem extremely excitable and positive some times but then very low, upset or even angry with others?
• A change in behavior over time. You may feel like your partner’s behavior has changed gradually — getting more and more difficult or secretive in increments. This is usually how addictions begin: with things starting off more subtly, before spinning further out of control.

How does gambling affect relationships?

On a number of levels:

• The emotional impact. Very often, the partner of someone with a gambling addiction will feel betrayed upon finding out. There can often be a sense of feeling like they ‘aren’t enough’ to keep their partner happy. They might feel ashamed or even just simply hurt.
• Trust. This is one of the biggest factors. Most addictions involve some form of lying or concealment at one point. Many partners struggle to understand how their partner could have kept this from them, especially if it’s been going on for a long time. Trust can take a long time to rebuild after the revelation of an addiction like this.
• Financial. On a practical level, gambling addiction can decimate joint or family finances. It’s not uncommon for a problem gambler to dive into savings or take out multiple credit cards. This can leave the family with no other money for their basic needs, including household bills or mortgage payments. It also often means that peripheral things, such as holidays or new clothes for children, become unaffordable.
• Time. Something often forgotten about addictions is just how much time they take up. Gambling addiction can mean a person is away from their partner or family for long stretches of it — weakening their connection and making it that much harder to recover from the damage done.

What can you do?

The first thing to do if you think your partner is a problem gambler is to seek help.

GamCare has a helpline (0808 8020 133) that’s open seven days a week. They can provide you with advice on what your next steps could be. They can also help you think about whether your partner has a problem — you don’t need to be certain to give them a call. Their trained advisors can give both information and in the moment emotional support to help you feel calmer.

They’ve also got an equivalent online service called Netline, which allows you to exchange instant messages with an advisor, and online forums, where people who’ve been affected by problem gambling talk and support each other.

How we can help

If your relationship has been affected by your partner’s gambling, then we’d strongly recommend coming in for face-to-face counselling.

There may be a fair amount to unpack following something like this. This is not only in terms of the damage it may have done to your relationship or family, but in understanding and coming to terms with the circumstances that lead to the addiction in the first place. Often it takes going back to before the addiction even started to begin to understand why it happened.

Many partners blame themselves for the addiction – believing that if they’d been a better husband or wife, this never would have happened but things are rarely as simple as that. Sometimes figuring things out and getting them in perspective can be much easier if you’ve got a little help.